SUPER LOVE FOR SUPER SEX/LOVE-MAP LANDMARKS: DESCRIBE YOUR BEST CHILDHOOD OPPOSITE-SEX FRIEND

posted by admin in General health

All of us can recall one girl or boy who became a friend, our first encounter with “one of them.” It was not a sexual encounter, it was a boy/girl relationship that taught us a little about the person-hood of the other gender. Perhaps then we were just immature enough to see people as persons first, gender second, and the lessons we learned became a part of our life and our loving.

One wife reported, “He was really cute. If I met him now, I’d find him irresistible. We talked, rode bikes, just hung around together. It was not a boy-and-girl thing, just two kids. My parents called him ‘my little friend,’ and next to an imaginary friend I made up for a while, he was one of the closest persons to me at that time of my life.”

A husband stated, “She was a real friend. She could play football better than any boy in the neighborhood. I learned to throw a spiral from her. We would sit and drink pop together. A real friend. I’d love to find a woman friend like that now.”

I often ask a question of audiences to whom I lecture. I ask first how many women were “tomboys.” Usually several hands go up. Then I ask, “How many men were sissies?” Not a hand goes up. Love maps are very influential, not only now and for the future, but even when we look back. Somehow, we learn to fear that combination of maleness and femaleness within all of us. Perhaps we lose our ability to de-genderize or fail to work hard enough to maintain it. We lose that innocent, open exchange between children, and it leaves a barricade somewhere within us and between us.

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